Secrets of the Queen's Guard: Never Mess with Them!
Table of Contents
- Introduction
- The Royal Bodyguards
- What It Takes to Be a Queen's Guard
- Smiling Can Get Them Arrested
- Never Mess with a Guard
- A Guard Never Abandons His Post
- The Strongest Necks in Britain
- Fainting to Attention
- Conclusion
- FAQs
The Secrets of the Queen's Guard
If You've ever visited London, you've probably seen the iconic Queen's Guard standing motionless in their red coats in front of Buckingham Palace. While these guards are famous for not moving an inch even when tourists decide to mess with them, don’t let that fool you into thinking they’re just lazy or slow. In fact, the Queen's Guards are actually one of the most elite, highly trained, and secretive soldiers in the entire world.
The Royal Bodyguards
The Royal Guard is an ancient order of England’s most trustworthy, dedicated, and highly-trained soldiers sworn to protect the British Monarch at all costs. Serving as the longest reigning monarch in England’s history with a reign of over 62 years, Elizabeth the 2nd has been the aim of all the guard’s efforts since 1952, seeing more than 10 generations of active duty guardsmen. The Royal Guards’ history goes back to at least 1660, and unlike today when the Royal Family doesn’t hold true power, back then the British monarch was the most powerful person in England, and one of the most powerful in the world, holding absolute power, which of course came with a need for absolute security.
During times of war and revolt, the Royal Guard were seen as the most fearsome warriors around, making attacks on the king or queen both unlikely and ridiculously risky for any would-be assassins. The guards didn’t just stand at attention throughout history either. In fact, some of England’s greatest military victories can be attributed directly to the royal guard, with them having personally taken out the most powerful armies in European history.
What It Takes to Be a Queen's Guard
In order to qualify for the Queen’s Guard, potential recruits must meet a number of taxing physical, mental, and experiential conditions. For example, a Queen’s guardsman can be no shorter than 5 foot 10, and that was a change made only recently. Previously, much like Tinder profiles, any applicant under 6 feet 2 inches would get a left swipe! As a result of their huge stature, the guards have gained the nickname “The Models” throughout their history.
On top of that, guardsmen need to be decorated members of one of the 7 most exclusive regiments of the British army which are recommended only, meaning you have to be picked, you cannot volunteer, to join the Royal Guard.
Smiling Can Get Them Arrested
Anyone who’s heard of the Royal Guard is familiar with the fact that they stand absolutely still, almost like statues, regardless of what’s going on around them. This can be fun for tourists trying to get their attention for a vacation video, but the level of restraint the guards must maintain is basically Superhuman! No matter what passersby and hecklers do or say to them, the guards cannot react or respond in any way, unless they’re physically touched or otherwise violently threatened, in which case they leave crowds shocked with their booming cries of the only phrase they’re allowed to say on duty.
The sacred oath that guardsmen take is insanely restrictive and comes with some serious consequences if broken. If a guard so much as smiles, let alone laughs while on duty, they won’t just get fired, they’ll get sent to a military prison! That’s right, every tourist who tries to make a guard laugh, which numbers in the millions every year Based on tourism statistics, is unwittingly risking sentencing that guardsman to prison time! No wonder they take their post so seriously!
Never Mess with a Guard
Knowing that these guys aren’t just standing around for Show, but rather the most decorated and battle-hardened soldiers the United Kingdom has to offer, and the fact that so little a transgression as laughing will land them in a prison cell, it should be pretty obvious that messing with a Royal Guard is a one-way ticket to an emergency room. This is because even though the guards are to remain motionless and smile-free for the duration of their posts, one wouldn’t be much of a guard if they just let themselves get assaulted willy-nilly.
Sure, they’re used to hoards of the most tourists any city has to offer, constantly taking pictures of the Royal Guards and trying to Elicit their elusive illegal smiles, but every once in a while someone will go too far and think they can get away with touching them. Being trained soldiers, you should never even consider this, as some unfortunate tourists have found out, it's a guard’s duty to take down anyone who touches them with explosive force. While this may be an exciting experience to watch, after all, you won’t witness the guards moving otherwise, being on the receiving end of a Royal Guardsman’s attack is a surefire way to end up in the hospital.
A Guard Never Abandons His Post
The Royal Guard is probably the most serious job in England, maybe even on Earth. As a result, there’s no room for error among the guards, which means that a guard never abandons his post under any circumstance. And yes, that does include breaks for the bathroom. If a guard needs to use the restroom, no matter how badly, they will simply hold it for the entirety of their shift.
Luckily a guard’s shift typically lasts 2 hours of standing and 4 hours of patrol and other duties, so they aren’t exactly breaking world records for holding it. Regardless, any breach of duty, whether it be a bathroom break, a laugh, or even taking a step away from your post, is grounds for imprisonment, so if you mess with a guard enough that you get them to move, be ready for the absolute worst fury an elite soldier can dish out, as they’re definitely going to jail just for moving, so they’ll be doing a whole lot more to whomever cost them their freedom!
The Strongest Necks in Britain
The Royal Guard’s distinctive uniforms aren’t just for show. Their uniforms go back through their centuries-old history and represent the royal colors of England. And while London can get incredibly cold, it’s also a city famous for near-constant rain, a factor that Royal Guards laugh off with ease. While their coats can weigh up to 8 pounds, rain sometimes accumulates on them and can more than double their weight!
But the coats aren’t even half of it! The most striking part of the Royal Guard’s uniform is, of course, their giant black hats! Called bearskins, and yes, they’re made of actual bearskin, these massive pieces of headgear weigh between 5 and 13 pounds, which is more than the weight of an average, non-bearskin-covered human head, meaning since they’re used to easily holding up more than double the weight everyone else is supporting, these guards have some of the strongest necks on the planet!
Fainting to Attention
Members of the Royal Guard are so tough that they won’t even move when they faint! And this isn’t some rare occurrence, according to a guardsman himself, multiple guards faint every year. In the summer months, the heat in England is nothing to scoff at, but nonetheless, Royal Guards don the exact same 13-pound bearskins and 8-pound heavy coats as they would in the bitter winter cold.
As a result of all that heavy clothing mixed with the sweltering heat, and the fact that guards have to stand stock-still for hours at a time, with no Water or bathroom breaks at all, guards frequently pass out from heat stroke! Even when their vision starts blacking out and they feel dizzy, a feeling all too familiar to these hardcore soldiers, guards maintain their perfect posture and stick to their post to the bitter end.
Guards are trained on how to remain standing even after blacking out, but when you’re unconscious, it’s understandable that your training might slip your mind. This leads to the phenomenon that’s been dubbed - Fainting to Attention, where guards fall flat on their faces, unconscious long before they slam into the ground. While this might seem pretty unfavorable, fainting at attention is actually highly applauded among Royal Guards, and going through it is like a rite of passage for new guards.
Conclusion
The Queen's Guard is a fascinating and elite group of soldiers that have been protecting the British Monarch for centuries. Their training, discipline, and dedication are unparalleled, and their commitment to their duty is truly inspiring. While they may seem like tourist attractions, they are anything but. The next time you see a Queen's Guard standing motionless in front of Buckingham Palace, remember that you are looking at one of the most highly trained and secretive soldiers in the world.
FAQs
Q: Can you touch a Queen's Guard?
A: No, touching a Queen's Guard is strictly prohibited and can result in arrest and imprisonment.
Q: What happens if a Queen's Guard laughs on duty?
A: Laughing on duty is strictly prohibited and can result in arrest and imprisonment.
Q: How long is a Queen's Guard shift?
A: A Queen's Guard shift typically lasts 2 hours of standing and 4 hours of patrol and other duties.
Q: Why do the Queen's Guards wear bearskin hats?
A: The bearskin hats are a part of the Royal Guard's uniform and have been worn for centuries. They are made of actual bearskin and are a symbol of the Royal Guard's strength and resilience.
Q: What happens if a Queen's Guard faints on duty?
A: Fainting on duty is not uncommon among Royal Guards due to the heavy uniforms and long hours of standing. Guards are trained to remain standing even after blacking out, and fainting at attention is actually highly applauded among Royal Guards.
